I feel that kindness is perhaps our most important trait. What does it mean to be kind?

First, let’s look at the Oxford definition of kindness: “The quality of being friendly, generous and considerate.” To me, the most important word used in that definition is “quality.” Quality means good, worthy or excellent.

So, from where does kindness come?  Is it something that has always been present? Fortunately, we can actually track the development of kindness.

I’ve always been a fan of anthropology – the study of human cultures and their development as well as archeology – the study of human history and prehistory. One famous anthropologist, Margaret Mead, is credited with saying that the first evidence of civilization was a healed leg bone at a 15,000-year-old archeological site. Anyone with such an injury would be left behind by their tribe. Unable to defend themselves, gather food or create shelter, this was a death sentence. Evidence of healing means that the person was cared for over a period of about six weeks. Thus, Mead believes this kindness is the earliest evidence of the evolution of society.

I try to be kind on a daily basis. It is often something I naturally do, but also something I have had to develop. Most of the time, my impatience or my ability to easily be distracted can prevent me from being kind. It is during these times, when I have to pause and think from another person’s point of view.

Instead of “I have an important meeting to attend; I’m not letting this guy in,” I pause and say, “I am ahead of schedule. I have plenty of time. Letting one person in front of me won’t make me late, and it may make her day better.” Often, I hurry a little ahead of someone at a building, only to open the door and allow them to pass in front of me. This is almost always met with gratitude (and often surprise) by the other person. It’s not altruism, because doing little things like that make ME happy.

“OK, great, so that makes YOU happy, but why should I be kind?” you might ask.

First of all, I will argue that being kind makes the world a better place. You have no idea what kind of a day a person may be having. Simply showing consideration could possibly turn their day around.

But, other than making yourself feel better for being kind, or another person feel better for your consideration, kindness can offer actual health benefits.

Recent studies indicate that there are tangible physical and psychological benefits from kindness. A study by the American Psychological Association¹, explored some of these benefits and found that the benefits can vary. Givers who are younger, reported greater social-emotional benefits, while older givers attributed more physical benefits to being kind. Physical benefits include lowering blood pressure and increasing cortisol (a hormone that alleviates stress) levels.

Likewise, being kind can improve your self-esteem and mood. Kindness has shown to make a person more likable. After all, who doesn’t want to be more likable?

You’ve probably all heard of doing “random acts of kindness” and seen videos where someone gives money to a stranger or gifts a fan to concert tickets. In terms of kindness, I tend to do the less expensive things. An old recycling motto has been one I apply to most of my life: “Think globally, act locally.” In terms of kindness, I apply this as usually being kind to people I know or actually interact with, rather than seeking out strangers in faraway lands. Here are some ideas for small acts of kindness:

• Listen to someone. Try not to think about any you’re going to say, just listen.
• Offer help to someone you see struggling. Maybe it is reaching that top shelf in the grocery store, or opening a door for a person with their hands full.
• Simply smiling genuinely at a person can make them (and you) feel good.
• Stay connected with others. Manage and attend to your friendships by reaching out for no reason at all. “Hey there! I was thinking about you, so thought I’d text to check in.”
• Donate or volunteer to a worthy cause.
• Pay for someone’s meal or order.
• Treat your server, barista or cashier in a friendly manner. Use “Thank you” liberally.
• Send compliments. Whether this is telling a coworker they did a good job on a project or complimenting a person’s hat on an elevator, small words of praise can make a big impact.

One of my favorite things to do is send compliments. A few rules I follow is not frequently complimenting the same person (this could send mixed signals), keep the compliment simple and straightforward and make sure the compliment is genuine. Example: “I really enjoyed your presentation today. You did a great job!”

There have been several times when I have taken a couple seconds out of my day to send make a quick comment or to send an email. One recent reply to such a comment was, “Thank you. I really needed to hear that today.” It sounds cheesy, but you never know what a person is going through. Something as simple as acknowledging them can rescue their day, their week or even more!

Finally, sometimes kindness can come in the form of just not doing the opposite. Instead of complaining to the manager about poor service, making a rude hand signal at another driver or criticizing the way someone is completing a task, just take a moment and let patience, forgiveness and a little kindness wash over you. You’ll feel better at not having said that mean thing you were thinking anyway.

Some of these expressions of grace and consideration take practice and work while others occur naturally. Regardless, I think if you focus on increasing your kindness ratio, you will find yourself feeling happier and more fulfilled.

Thank you for reading and – Thank you in advance for being kind!

Chas Swearingen is a community liaison for Lincoln Prairie Behavioral Health Center. He obtained his Master’s in Clinical Psychology from the University of Illinois- Springfield and has worked exclusively in the mental health field for the last 11 years. He enjoys gardening, listening to music, reading, learning and video games. He lives in Carlinville, IL with his wife, their sons, a big brown dog and a cat which adopted them.

Lincoln Prairie Behavioral Health Center

Lincoln Prairie Behavioral Health Center is a standalone facility that provides psychiatric treatment to children and adolescents ages 3-17. We pride ourselves on dedicating compassionate mental health treatment that encourages personal growth and self-responsibility to youth. This including providing psychiatric treatment to children and adolescents that present a broad range of behavioral and psychiatric disorders. We’ve created a therapeutic and supportive environment that allows us to work with our youth and their family to accomplish their goals.

Some of our promotes that helps to aid in us supporting our patients are our inpatient and outpatient services, as well as our telehealth. Located in Springfield, Illinois our facility has a welcoming and atmosphere that consistently promotes the healing of children. To schedule a no-cost assessment or for more information, please call 217-585-1180.